


Miss Conover's Vocation 



A PL A Y IN TWO ACTS 



By MARY C. ROBINSON 



Miss Conover's Vocation 



A PLA Y IN TWO ACTS 



By MARY C. ROBINSON 



Copyrighted, 1907 
By MARY C. ROBINSON 

Asheville, N. C. 



UBBARYofOONQRES? 
Two CoDies Received 



CUSS >o' XXc, Ho, 



©OPYiB. 






MISS CONOVER'S VOCATION 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Esther CoNovER. ) ^, . ,.. . „ .. , 

Winifred Whitney J ^^^^^^ ^^ Mission Hospital. 

Caroline Phipps^ Matron at Mission Hospital. 

Margaret Seymour. 

Mrs. Chauncey'Ogden Brown. 

Mrs. Berry White. 

Pearl Johnson. 

Sapolio Shinola Johnson. 

Mr. Harding Hasty. 

Johnnie Bates. 

Jepp^ Dr. Didd's Janitor. 

X)R. John Didd. 

Mr. Edward Tingle. 

Richard Armitage^ of Charlotte. 

Charley^ Orderly at Mission Hospital. 

Nurses. 

Physicians. 

The Delirious Patient. 



ACT I 

Dr. Didd's office in the Medical Building. As the curtain rises 

Jeff is discovered oiling the floor and singing a plantation 

melody. He stops as Miss Seymour enters, carrying a few 

flowers. 

Jeff : ''Mornin,' Miss Seymour, mornin.' Doctor's late 

again; he jest phome me he was out all night with ol' Miss 

Judd. She's pow'ful sick; got a valve in her heart! I don' 

know whether she done swallowed it or it jest natchelly 

growed; but I know they's no-account, triflin' people, those 

Juddses; Doctor ain' gwine git nothin' fer all his takin' keer 

of 'em." 

Miss Seymour {arranging floicers on the doctor's desk) : 
'^His pay, Jeff, is the very last thing the doctor thinks of." 

Jeff: ^^Co'se I knows that. Me an' the doctor has been 
curin' the nicknamed, the stallted, an' the blin' fer de pas' ten 
yeahs. Ef dey pays de money, we-all's mighty s'prised, an' 



spen's it. Ef dey don' pay, de doctor 'lows dey's done we all 
a favor to ask our 'dvice. But 'tain' right, Miss Margaret, you 
know dat." 

Miss Seymour: ^Whatever the doctor does is right, Jeff." 

Jeff : ''That's jest you-all's notion. Now you heah me. Miss 
Margaret — de doctor ain' none too stout, some time he gwine 
brek" 

Miss Seymour (anxiously) : ''Why, Jeff, what do you 
mean? Is there anything the matter with the doctor?" 

Jeff: "Laws seks, Honey, not right now. But yo' know, 
and ol' Jeff knows that it teks a mighty stout man to keep 
a-rasslin' wid dese yeah new-fangled, courageous diseases ! An' 
he jes' 'bleeged to get his res' at night. Let sick folkses howl 
an' groan and wek up whosomever they mus,' but they ain' got 
no call to wek up the doctor. I'm gwine to speak my min' to 
Doctor Didd about sech doin's, I is." 
(Exit.) 

Miss Seymour [taking up gloves from the desk) : "Just 
look at this ! See how his gloves are torn ; he thinks of every 
one's comfort but his own. I'll take them and mend them." 
(Goes to mirror to take off her hat, looks at picture on the man- 
tel). "O, if father would only let me be a trained nurse! To 
stand with him by the bedside of the suffering — to share his 
anxieties — ah me! {Puts hack picture). "Well, I hope she is 
worthy of him." [Telephone rings). "Hello — 

"Dr. Didd's office — no, the doctor is not here yet — can't get 
her to take her medicine — Had a dreadful night — Want the 
doctor at once — All right, Mrs. Smithkins, I'll give your mes- 
sage." [Turns away). "Another one of those charity patients, 
but it's all the same to the doctor. O, if only — but there, I 
ought to be satisfied to be near him and help him a little." 
[Gathers up the mail and goes out and typeicriter is heard 
without. Enter Dr. Didd, folloived hy Jeff, who takes his hat 
and coat). 

Dr. Didd: "Good morning, Jeff." [Goes to desk). "Has 
Miss Seymour taken the mail ?" 

Jeff: "Mornin,' doctor. Yessah, Miss Seymour done tuk 
de despondents. How's ol' Miss Judd ? I'se jest natchelly cer- 
tain she's pearter this mornin' than you is — a-rackettin' aroun' 
wid her all las' night!" [Enter Miss Seymour). 

Dr. Didd : "Miss Judd ? Hm — yes, she's better, Jeff. Good 
morning, Miss Seymour." 

Miss Seymour: "Good mornins^-, doctor. Mrs. Smithkins 
'phoned. Alice Belle knocks the medicine out of her hand every 
time she tries to give it to her. They want you to come over as 
soon as possible." 

Dr. Didd : "They seem to think I'm a patent baby trainer. 



Alice Belle is a spoiled child. When I get over there^ she'll take 
that castor oil or something else she needs about as bad." 
[Phone rings). 

Miss Seymour: "Hello — yes, Dr. Didd's office — hold the 
phone, please — doctor." 

Dr. Didd [at the phone) : "Hello — yes — no, not before 4 
o'clock — Have an operation at the hospital at 11. Hm — Hm — 

yes. — You might call Dr. Mild Why Mild? W^ell, he's not 

Sevier — Interesting case, very — sorry I can't come. Good-by." 
(Turns from phone). "Jeff, send them in." (Exeunt Jeff and 
Aliss Seymour^ enter old mountaineer woman, head wrapped up 
and hat perched on top). 

Dr. Didd: "Good morning, Mrs. White, I hope you're not 
much sick." 

Mrs. White: "O Doctor, I've oeen loungin' roun' an' suf- 
ferin' for more than a week. It began with a cricket in my 
neck ; I couldn't move myself any more than I could last winter 
when I had the dago in my back" 

Dr. Didd : "The lohat in your back?" 

Mrs. White: "The dago." 

Dr. Didd: "O, you mean the h^7n&«^o.^^^ 

Mrs. White : "It was plum dago enough for me ! But this 
misery has gone up in the cores of my neck. Dr. Elijah 'lows 
I've got a process in my ear. Now do be keerful, doctor ; hit air 
a-hurtin' me pow'ful bad. Hit's mighty tender." 

Dr. Didd : "Turn your head this way — there — O, yes. Pres- 
sure on the ear drum, caused by accumulation of wax." 

Mrs. White : "But I hain't had no whacks ! I'd jest like 
to see Berry White try it" 

Dr. Didd (laughing) : "That wasn't what I meant, Mrs. 
White. Berry is a brave man, but I reckon he knows when to 
show the white feather. Jeff, take Mrs. White through to Dr. 
Tingle's room. He'll fix that ear all right. The pain will stop 
at once." 

(Enter extremely fashionaMe lady). 

Dr. Didd : "Good morning, madam. Will you be seated ?" 

Mrs. Brown: "Ah, good morning, Doctor. I am Mrs. 
Chauncey Ogden Brown, of New York." 

Dr. Didd : "I am pleased to meet you, Mrs. Brown." 

Mrs. Brown : "Mrs. Chauncey Ogden Brown. My trouble 
is a nervous one, Doctor. We hoped that Asheville air would 
be all that was necessary to give me relief. I have been at Ken- 
ilworth ten days, but I haven't improved at all. I want to put 
myself under your care ; your sanitarium has been so favorably 
spoken of" 

Dr. Didd : "I beg your pardon, Mrs. Brown — " 

Mrs. Brown : "Mrs. Chauncey Ogden Brown.'' 



Dr. Didd: ''You have been misinformed. I have no sani- 
tarium." 

Mrs. Brown : "No sanitarium ! Do you mean to say — Am 
I to understand" — 

Dr. Didd: ''It is simply a mistake, my dear madam; Dr. 
Warble's sanitarium on Haywood street, for the treatment of 
nervous diseases, is probably what you are looking for." 

Mrs. Brown : "And you are not Dr. Warble ! This is very 
peculiar! Perhaps you will have the goodness to tell me who 
you are!" 

Dr. Didd : "With pleasure, madam. I am Dr. John Didd." 

Mrs. Brown (ivith lifted lorgnette) : "Oh — ah — indeed. This 
is most singular; I can't understand how it has happened! 
Under these most embarrassing circumstances, you will of 
course call up the sanitarium for me, and make an appoint- 
ment with Dr. Warble." 

Dr. Didd : "Most assuredly, Mrs. Brown." 

Mrs. Brown : "Mrs. Chauncey Ogden Brown." 

Dr. Didd {at the phone) : "Hello — 1036, please — Who is 
this? — No, I don't want the Candy Kitchen — Is this the sani- 
tarium ? O, Miss Smiley, is the doctor there ? Dr. Didd would 
like to speak to him — Hello Doctor, Mrs. Brown of New 
York" 

Mrs. Brown: "Mrs. Chauncey Ogden Brown." 

Dr. Didd : "Y^es, Mrs. Brown would like to make an ap- 
pointment with you for this evening ; 4 :15 ? All right, 4 :15 this 
evening, at 31 Haywood street, Mrs. Brown." 

Mrs. Brown: "4:15? What a horribly inconvenient time! 
I'll not be through with the hairdresser. And Fluffy is to have 
his bath at 4. Perhaps I can get there before 5. Why don't 
you have a sign on your office. Dr. Didd? It would have saved 
all this trouble." 

Dr. Didd : "Pardon me, madam, my name is plainly lettered 
on the door. Perhaps my professional card" (offers it). 

Mrs. Brown : "Thank you, I hardly think I shall need it. 
Let me see — 4 :15 this afternoon. Tell me, why do you South- 
erners always say evening when you mean afternoon?" 

Dr. Didd: "That is beyond me to explain, Mrs. Brown — 
Mrs. Chauncey Ogden Brown — even New Y^orkers sometimes 
make mistakes !" 

Mrs. Brown: "Don't be impertinent, young man! Good 
morning." 

Dr. Didd (howing her out) : "Good morning, madam." 
(Enter Pearl and ^apolio Shinola). 

Dr. Didd: "Howdy, Pearl. What's the matter this time? 
I hope you're not sick." 

Pearl : "Me sick ? No, not me. Doctor. It's Sapolio Shinola 
again." 

6 



Dr. Didd: "Sapolio Shinola, is it? And what's Sapolio 
Shinola been doing now? Come here to me, you young rascal, 
you're too heavy for that little sister of yours.'' 

Pearl: ''He ain' heavy, Doctor; it's jest as easy to tote 
him !" 

Dr. Didd: "Sapolio Shinola's pretty sick. Pearl; he has 
some fever ; he's got a galloping pulse" 

Pearl: "O, Lawdy! O, Lawdyl I didn't never 'spect no 
sech thing as dat ! Is it pow'ful hard to cure, Doctor?" 

Dr. Didds "Hard to cure? What?" 

Pearl : ''The gallopsy-pulse. 'Tain't lak de chicken smocks 
or de Roseallover, is it. Doctor?" 

Dr. Didd (aside) : "Roseallover; that isn't bad;" (to Pearl) : 
"Well, not exactly. Pearl. Now tell me what has this chap been 
eating?" 

Pearl: "Eating, Doctor? Jest nuthin' 'tall today. The 
grits and gravy an' corn pone an' sweet 'tater an' coffee what 
I done guv him fer brekfus come right up again, doctor." 

Dr. Didd : "Grits and gravy and corn pone and sweet pota- 
toes and coffee ! Heavens, Pearl ! What do you mean by feed- 
ing this child like that? Haven't I told you he mustn't have 
solid food? Do you want this baby to go where his mother's 
gone, or do you want him to grow up and be a comfort and a 
help to you? I tell you Pearl, I can't do anything for him if 
you won't do exactly as I say." 

Pearl: "O, Lawdy, Doctor, don' say he gwine to die! I 
couldn' bear to lose him. Doctor ! I'll starve him to deff on milk 
ef you'll only cure him this time !" 

Dr. Didd: "O, he'll come out all right if you'll do what I 
tell you to. No more such truck as grits and gravy and sweet 
potatoes — nothing but warm milk. Take him home and put 
him to bed; give him one of these tablets every half hour till 
they're gone. I'll come over and see him tomorrow." 

Pearl: "Thankye, Doctor, you'se mighty good to me and 
Sapolio Shinola." 

Dr. Didd : "Have you got some sort of go-cart to take that 
baby home in?" 

Pearl: "O, yes, Doctor, I'se got the suppressed wagon I 
totes my washin' in." 

Dr. Didd : "And how is the laundry business, pretty good, 
Pearl ? Here, buy yourself a new apron, child. ( Gives her half 
a dollar). 

Pearl: "Thankye, Doctor, I sure does need it. But I'se 
a-gittin' plenty of washin' and Sapolio Shinola ain' a mite of 
trouble. He jest dabbles in the starch bucket and the bluein' 
or goes to sleep a-suckin' a clothespin. Tell the doctor by-by 
yo' Shimola!" (Exeunt). 



Dr. Didd: ''That's about the best little pickaninny I ever 
knew; she'd work herself to death for her daddy and Sapolio 
Shinola. She'd do more for her fellow creatures, white or 
black, than Mrs. Chauncey Ogden Brown of New York, I'm 
sure of that." 

(Enter Johnnie Bates with a Jjleedlng face). 

Dr. Didd: "What's the matter v/ith you, Johnnie? Have 
you been fighting again? I'm going to tell your father and let 
him take a hand in the next fracas. Come here, let me see your 
face." 

Johnnie : ''But I haven't been fighting this time. A feller 
pushed me down at the skating rink ; there was two or three of 
us in a bunch and I cut my face on Bob Bundy's skate.*' 

Dr. Didd : "The skating rink, Johnnie ! I know you're a 
reckless little rascal, but I thought you had sense enough to 
stay away from that skating rink, after breaking your arm 
there last winter! Here, let me see; it's a pretty bad cut. I 
reckon we can save the eye. Jeff, bring me that sponge and 
basin, and that black box. Now, Johnnie, be brave ! 

Johnnie: "Say, is it going to hurt bad? Do you have to 
sew it up. Doctor?" (Doctor jnits on plaster in strips). 

Dr. Didd : "I'm going to try to fix it with adhesive plaster. 
But if you don't stay away from that fool rink, Johnnie, you're 
going to get hurt sometime so that I'll have to cut you up and 
sew you together again ; and I might get the pieces mixed. 
Now, what do you think your mother will say to such a look- 
ing face?" (Leads him to mirror). "You look like the terrible 
Turk after his bout with Olsen. You won't be able to chew 
beefsteak for a v/eek or two." 

Johnnie : "Gee, but I am a guy. Doctor ! I'll have to cut 
home through the alleys. It must have been an awful cut ; I'm 
glad you didn't have to sew it." 

Dr. Didd : "Goodby, Johnnie, come back Tuesday." (Exit 
Johnnie). "I'd give my new forceps just to see Johnnie's face 
when he soaks that plaster off and finds a little inch-long 
scratch! Maybe it will teach him a lesson. He's always cut- 
ting or breaking himself up." 

(Enter Mr. Harding Hasty). 

Dr. Didd: "Good morning, Mr. Hasty; a beautiful morn- 
ing." 

Mr. Hasty : "Good morning, sir. Will you kindly explain 
to me the meaning of this bill?" (Offers hill to Dr. Didd). 

Dr. Didd: "Have a chair, Mr. Hasty. Why, what do you 
mean? There doesn't seem to be anything to explain; this is 
simply an ordinary bill, made out in the usual way." 

Mr. Hasty : "Simply an ordinary bill made out in the usual 
way ! It's enough to give Rockefeller a chill ! Daylight rob- 

8 



bers you doctors are, every one of you. I say you are! I won- 
der what an extraordinary bill made out in an unusual way 
would be like ! It's enough to make a man study medicine and 
be his own doctor. Are you aware, Dr. Didd, that I paid a bill 
of yours for over flOO, for professional services the first of last 
month?" 

Dr. Didd : "I do not recall the circumstance, Mr. Hasty, but 
I have no reason to question your assertion. I have no doubt 
3^ou did." 

Mr. Hasty : "Do you take me for a Rothschild or a Vander- 
bilt? Do you think I'm made of money? You doctors bleed a 
man at every pore." 

Dr. Didd: "Pardon me, Mr. Hasty, but bleeding is out of 
date; it is seldom resorted to in modern practice." 

Mr. Hasty : "O, you can be funny about it if you want to. 
It isn't funny to the man that has to pay. But I swear I won't 
pay it. It is outrageous; it is preposterous! Go ahead and 
sue me for it ; I'll go to jail before I pay a red cent of such an 
unreasonable bill ! To think of it — flOO a month ago, and now, 
with all the family in good health as far as I know, vou render 
me a bill for |90— 190 !" 

Dr. Didd : "Let me see that bill again, Mr. Hasty. Ah, — 
yes — I remember the circumstances now perfectly. You see 
this little atomizer?" {Mr Hasty dodges the spray from atom- 
izer.) "Your daughter wanted one like it and couldn't get it 
in town. I let her have one at cost. It was just 90 cents ! Look 
at your bill, Mr. Hasty. Do you need glasses, or haven't you 
ever studied decimals? Do you see the point?" 

Mr. Hasty (sheepishly) : "Why — why — why yes, I do. Doc- 
tor. I — I — beg your pardon ; I do, indeed. A most mortifying 
mistake." 

Dr. Didd : "Don't mention it. It is such a trifle, allow me 
to receipt the bill and cancel the indebtedness." 

Mr. Hasty : "O, no, no, not at all ; I couldn't think of it." 

Dr. Didd: "Take it then to my stenographer." (Calls): 
"Miss Seymour." (Enter 3fiss Seymonr). "Miss Seymour, 
Mr. Hasty wishes to pay his bill." (Mr. Hasty gives dill) . "Ah 
— don't forget to give Mr. Hasty his dime. Is that satisfactory, 
Mr. Hasty? Thank you, good morning." (Ea^it Miss Seymonr.) 

Mr. Hasty (retiring) : "A thousand pardons, Doctor, 
really — good morning." 

(Enter Richard Armitage, Jeff holding on to his coat). 

Dr. Didd : "Well, Armitasje, where in the world did you 
come from? This is a surorise. I'm mighty glad to see you, 
old man. How is everybody in Charlotte?" 

Jeff : "He done come in out'n his turn. Dr. Didd !" 

9 



Mr. Armitage : '^I got so deuced tired waiting for that gang 
to run the gauntlet" 

Dr. Didd : "Why that's all right, Dick. Is there any one 
special out there, Jeff?" 

Jeff : "No, sir, not 'zackly ; I don't guess they is." 

Dr. Didd : "Well, send them through to Dr. Tingle, I want 
to talk with Mr. Armitage." 

Jeff : "All right, sir, if you say so. But dat man ain' got 
no call to come in out'n his tu'n, Doctor." (Exit). 

Mr. Armitage : "Your janitor is something of a martinet, 
isn't he?" 

Dr. Didd : "Martinet? I should say so. Jeff runs the whole 
office. I couldn't practice medicine without him. But what's 
the matter with you Dick? You're not looking quite your usual 
sunny self. I hope this isn't a professional visit." 

Mr. Armitage: "O, no, John. I'm all right; that's just 
what's the matter. I'm too confoundedly healthy! I wish I 
wasn't." 

Dr. Didd (whistles) : "Why this is something new in my 
office. The people in the outer room would gladly relieve you 
of some of your superfluous health, if they could." 

Mr. Armitage : "But they can't, more's the pity. And that's 
just exactly what I want you to do." 

Dr. Didd (with concern) : "Say, Dick, you haven't been 
having typhoid, have you, and got your brain slightly mixed?" 

Mr. Armitage: "Having typhoid? No such blessed luck. 
My brain's all right. I want to see what sort of a head piece 
you've got. Now what can you do to make me decently and re- 
spectably, but not too dangerously sick? Hm?" 

Dr. Didd : "By George, this is a puzzler ; it's too many for 
me. By the way you go jigging around the room, I might think 
you had the St. Vitus dance! Sit down man, can't you, and 
keep still, and explain yourself? What do you mean, anyhow?" 

Mr. Armitage (dropping into a chair) : "I mean exactly 
Avhat I say ; I want to be sick." 

Dr. Didd (walking over to him) : "Maybe you are. and don't 
know it. H'm; skin's cool — your pulse is steady. Let me see 
your tongue." 

Mr. Armitage : "O, don't be such an idiot, Dick. I'm per- 
fectly well — physically. Haven't I told you that's just what's 
the matter?" 

Dr. Didd: "Ah — hm — I seem to get a faint glimmer of 
light. But go on, let's have your tale of woe." 

Mr. Armitage : "Well, T suppose I'll have to tell the whole 
story. Was there ever such an impossible state of affairs?" 

Dr. Didd : "I can't say, old man, as I'm still in the dark. 
But out with it, whatever it is." 

10 



Mr. Armitage : "Did I ever tell you about Esther Conover?" 

Dr. Didd : ''Esther Conover — Esther Conover. Let me see 
— which one was she? The tall, blonde, Baltimore belle?" 

Mr. Armitage: '*Haug it all, John, don't go back into the 
dark ages. No, she wasn't. Miss Conover is my fiancee — or at 
least she was until about seven weeks ago." 

Dr. Didd: ''You haven't been fancying Dick, that I could 
set a broken engagement, have you? Do it up in splints or 
liquid glass?" 

Mr. Armitage : "Now, you just wait until I get through, 
and you'll see where your part comes in. Well, as I said, about 

seven or eight weeks ago" {pulls letter from pocket) "yes, 

it was February 14th I got this letter. I'm going to read it to 
you." 

Dr. Ridd : "All right, go ahead. I don't mind if you don't." 

Mr. Armitage {reading) : "My Dear Richard: — Do not 
think me fickle or impulsive when I tell you that our engage- 
ment is at an end. It is only that I was too hasty in thinking 
that I could marry. I have thought and thought and thought 
over the matter, and I am certain that the only way in which 
I can live out my life — the only way in which I can fulfil my 
highest destiny, is to follow the sacred calling of a nurse. 
Trained nursing is my vocation ; of this I am deeply and irre- 
vocably convinced. Not to walk in the path so plainly pointed 
out to me, would be to wrong you, Dick, to wrong myself, and 
to wrong humanity. In the career I have chosen, you can, of 
course, have no part. At first you may resent my decision, in 
your usual impulsive way" — (that's a nice little stab, isn't it, 
John? Me impulsive!) — "but it will do no good, and will only 
give me pain if you try to make me falter in my purpose. I am 
going away from home; I shall receive no letters you may 
write nor will it be of the slightest use for you to try to find 
me. L shall not see you again. Isn't it better so? I am as al- 
ways, your friend, Esther Conover." 

"A cheerful kind of a valentine, isn't it?" 

Dr. Didd : "She seems to have washed her hands of you 
all right, Dick, and then given you a shower bath with the 
water ! She spared you just one thing, old chap ; she didn't say 
she'd be a sister to you." 

Mr. Armitage : "If she'd have thought of it, she would have 
put it in." 

Dr. Didd : "You hadn't had any kind of a quarrel with your 
fiancee, had you ? No 'little rift within the lover's lute ?' " 

Mr. Armitage: "Quarrel? No, not a bit of it. I do re- 
member Esther had seemed pre-occupied — acted absent-minded ; 
but that's all." 



11 



Dr. Didd: ''Well, what have you been doing about it? 
Have you tried to find the damsel-errant?" 

Mr. Armitage: "Tried to find her? I haven't been doing 
anything else for seven weeks. But her mother is dead, and 
she twists her father around her little finger. He was as dumb 
as a fish ; I couldn't get a word out of him, or out of any other 
member of the family. But I bribed one of the maids to copy 
the address from her sister's letters, and in that way found out 
where she had gone. She is here, at Mission Hospital !" 

Dr. Didd : "Whew — ew ! At Mission Hospital ! You don't 
say so ! I wonder if she's the pretty new probationer." 

Mr. Armitage : "Xot a doubt about it. She is small and 
fair, with the sweetest face in the world. There have you seen 
her?" (Takes a picture from his pocket and hands to Dr. Didd). 

Dr. Didd: "Yes, that's our new nurse, all right. She was 
accepted the other day, and has donned the uniform. You 
ought to see how sweet she looks in it. She is simply bewitch- 
ing. Dick, you're a lucky fellow!" 

Mr. Armitage: "Deucedly unlucky, you mean! To have 
such a girl as that and then to lose her! But you're going to 
help me out, aren't you, John?" 

Dr. Didd : ''I'll help you in any way and every way I can ; 
you know that, old man." 

Mr. Armitage: "Well then hypodermic something or other 
into me quick, and send me over to the hospital." {Rolls up 
sleeve). "If I can only get in there, I can get a chance to talk 
to Esther and vvaken her sympathies. But it is the hardest 
place to get into. I've haunted Charlotte and Woodfin streets, 
till the residents think I'm a suspicious character. I've tried 
and tried to see her ; but they seem to have an anti-lover league 
at the hospital, and they're all in it. No matter who answers 
the door, when I ask for Miss Conover, she's out, she's asleep, 
she's on duty ! They simply won't let me see her. Come, now, 
what are you going to give me ? Mumps, bronchitis, or bubonic 
plague?" 

Dr. Didd: "Why, see here, Dick, I don't see how I can do 
anything like that. I wouldn't dare to inocculate you with any 
disease if I could." 

Mr. Armitage: "If you could? Well, I must say you're a 
prettv kind of a doctor. What's the use of studying medicine, 
I'd like to know!" 

Dr. Didd : "Do be reasonable, Dick. We don't study medi- 
cine to find out how to give people diseases. It's our mission 
to cure, not to kill. You seem to be laboring under a delusion." 
(Telephone rings). "Hello — yes, Dr. Didd's office — Hm — O, 
no, no — I said put ice on his head and a hot water bag at his feet 
— you'll boil his brains if you keep that up — I have an important 

12 



case at the office just now — I'll be in this evening — I'll come 
as soon as I can — goodby." — {Enter Dr. Tingle). "This is my 
friend Mr. Armitage, Dr. Tingle." {They shake hands). "Are 
you through in the office? Well, I wish you'd make your first 
call at the Pittman's. That fool woman has had a hot water 
bag on the baby's head for the last two hours." {Eooit Dr. 
Tingle). "1 say, Dick, I don't just see how I am going to help 
you" 

Mr. Armitage : "O, I suppose not. This is simply horrible; 
it is enough to drive a man to drink !" 

Dr. Didd {brightly ) : "Why, that's an ideal Why not go 
on a comfortable little spree, and develop a nice, gentlemanly 
case of jim-jams? I could get you in on that." 

Mr. Armitage : "No, no, that wouldn't do. You don't know 
Esther. She's a way-up W. C. T. U. She'd never speak to me 
again as long as she lived. You'll have to think of something 
else." {Filter Miss Seymour). 

Miss Seymour : "I beg your pardon, Doctor, but this letter 
asks an immediate reply. Will you dictate the answer before 
mail time?" {Dr. Didd looks at the letter). 

Dr. Didd : "Just answer it in the affirmative. Miss Seymour, 
that will be all right." {Exit Miss Seymour). 

Mr. Armitage: "That's a pretty little girl, John. She's 
about Esther's size." 

Dr. Didd: "She's a nice little girl. Dr. Tingle thinks sOj 
anyhow ; but his attentions don't seem to be appreciated. Now^ 
about this other matter ; if we could only work it so as to get 
you into the hospital, I believe we could win Miss Conover to 
your way of thinking. I know a thing or two about women. If 
you were just interestingly ill, I'd have Miss Whitney put on as 
your special nurse. She's handsome and clever ; we could take 
her into the secret and she'd help us out willingly. I don't mind 
telling you I have aspirations in that direction." {Looks at 
the picture on the mantel). 

Mr. Armitage : "O, that's it ! But if she's a trained nurse 
you ^can have no part in her career !' That's what Esther says." 

Dr. Didd : "Nonsense ! trained nurses are just like other 
girls — only more so !" 

Mr. Armitage : "The plan is all right. I believe it would 
work. I wouldn't mind giving Esther a jealous pang or two. So 
go ahead. Doc, and pump something into me." 

Dr. Didd : But, Dick, I've told you I don't dare do it. Don't 
you ever have anything the matter with you? Indigestion? 
Tonsilitis ? O, what's the use of being so healthy ! I can't think 

of anything else but a broken bone ." {Mr. Armitage 

dashes across the room and jumps through the window). 

Dr. Didd: {rushing after him). "O! O! Heavens, what 

13 



recklessness !" {Curtain falls, as Miss Seymour and Mr. Tingle 
dash upon the stage. It rises again showing Miss Seymour 
leaning hack against the window) . 

Miss Seymour: "O, it was too terrible! He caught and 
hung on the telephone wires ! Dr. Major's automobile was com- 
ing down Haywood street! Then he fell and it struck him! 
Isn't it awful ? He must have been killed !" 

Dr. Tingle : "Miss Seymour, this is too much for you ; you 
will be ill." (Leads her to a chair and gets her a glass of 
water). "What an appealing, little thing she is. Jove, I wish 
she'd look at me like she does at Dr. Didd." 

Miss Seymour : "Thank you, Doctor ; O, dear, to think of 
that poor, young man jumping out of the window for the love of 
a girl" 

Dr. Tingle : "O, that's nothing. I'd do as much for a dear 
little girl I know, if it would do any good." 

Miss Seymour (startled) : "0—0! I'm better now, thank 
you. O, they're bringing him in here." (Enter the doctors car- 
rying Arniitage). 

Dr. Didd: "Right here on the couch. How are vou now, 
old chap? How do you feel?" 

Mr. Armitage : "Perfectly satisfied — perfectly satified." 

First Doctor: "Perfectly satisfied? Say, he'^must be deli- 
rious. Let's see that right arm. Broken, Didd, at the elbow." 

Second Doctor : "This knee is out of fix, too. Not broken, 
but badly strained. It's a wonder he wasn't killed." 

Dr. Didd : "No internal injuries, do you think?" 

Mr. Armitage : "O, what a fuss about a trifle ! Of course 
there are no internal injuries. A fellow couldn't play centre 
rush on a college team for four years and not know how to fall. 
How's our little scheme now, John?" 

Dr. Didd: "Hanged if I hadn't forgotten all about that. 
O, you'll get there all right, Dick. Dr. Tingle, call up the hos- 
pital and send for an ambulance." 

Dr. Tingle: "Hello, Central, give me 63 quick. Hello — 
that you. Miss Phipps ? Get a room ready for a patient of Dr. 
Didd's at once! — Badly injured by a fall — Haven't room on 
the second floor — only a small one on the third — How about the 
first? The Battle room ? That's the very thing. We'll be right 
over — goodby." (Enter Jeff breathlessly) . 

Jeff: "I done fotch the avalanche! It is a-waitin' right 
now. Doctor." 

Dr. Didd: "That was thoughtful of you, Jeff. Let's take 
him right along ; we can set the arm and see to his other injuries 
better over there. Now then, all ready." 

(The doctors carry Mr. Armitage out. Dr. Tingle remains with 
Miss Seymour. He helps her to a chair and fans her as the 
curtain falls.) Curtain. 

14 



CHORUS OF NURSES. 

We're the nurses from the hospital, 
We'll nurse you if you're ill ; 
How we work, we never shirk. 
We can bandage up a broken bone. 
Or give a bitter pill ; 

Make a bed, or smooth your head. 
Of all the helpful things we do. 
The half we can't rehearse, 

We never fail, we never quail. 
We are always fresh and bright, 
In the middle of the night. 

As is every well-bred nurse! 

REFRAIN : 

If we set our caps for you, sirs. 

You will have not half a chance; 
To our apron strings we'll tie you. 

And we'll lead you such a dance! 
Are you young and tall and handsome. 

Can you boast a well-filled purse? 
Come and choose me, don't refuse me. 

For your nurse, nurse, nurse ! 

Your temperature we will keep down. 
Your spirits we'll keep up, 
'Tis our way, every day ; 
As to gruel, we're not cruel. 
Only bring a little cup, 
Nice and sweet, good to eat! 
We will take your respiration. 

Take your pulse, your time, your purse; 
That is true, so we do; 
And we never eat nor sleep. 
And we always silence keep. 

As does every well-bred nurse! 

REFRAIN. 



ACT II 

(The Battle room in Mission Hospital. Mr. Armitage seated in 
a chair near the hed; Miss Whitney folding comforters and^ 
shaking pillows, singing as she works). 
Miss Whitney: "Now, Mr. Armitage, we are all ready. 

15 



How do you feel, are you strong enough to try the journey 
across the room?" 

Mr. Armitage : "Strong? If it wasn't for that twisted knee 
I could run a race, or put Tom Frisbee's shoulders to the mat." 

Miss Whitney: "That sounds fine; but you mustn't get 
well too fast, or our little scheme will fall through." 

Mr. Armitage : "Trust me for that. I can play the interest- 
ing invalid indefinitely, and live on gruel and hope ! But I wish 
I could see some signs of her relenting." 

Miss Whitney: "Don't you see the signs? Well, I do. 
Things are going to come to a climax soon, I'm sure of it." 

Mr. Armitage : "It's awfully good of you to say that, and 
to cheer a fellow up the way you do. I certainly appreciate it 
and all the rest you've done for me." 

Miss Whitney : "Thank you, but I only do my duty — not at 
all difficult in this case. And now let's try to walk. Don't be 
afraid to lean on me; I'm very strong." {Miss Conover steps 
inside the room and quickly withdraws as Mr. Armitage is 
seated in a reclining chair). 

Miss Whitney : "How do you feel now, Mr. Armitage? Are 
you tired? I am afraid the exertion has been too much for 
you." {Rings Ijell, which is answered hy Miss Conover). 

Mr. Armitage : "O, no, not at all. It's a relief to stretch 
my legs a little. And then I had your arm to lean on" 

Miss Whitney : "Miss Conover, mix an egg nogg for my 
patient, please." 

Mr. Armitage : "O, say now. Miss Whitney, I'm not going 
to take an egg nogg. I loathe the sickish stuff, and I don't 
need it!" {Miss Conover starts to go). 

Miss Whitney : "Just a minute, Miss Conover, please. Mr. 
Armitage, you are recovering from the bruises and the nervous 
shock of a severe fall. You must have frequent nourishment. 
Now I want you to take the egg nogg. You will, won't you? 
For my sake, I am so anxious to have you get strong?" 

Mr. Armitage : "O, if you put it that way I can hardly re- 
fuse. All right, I'll take it." 

Miss Whitney : "Thank you." {To Miss Conover) : "Bring 
the egg nogg." {Exit Miss Conover). "Don't you believe she'll 
put vinegar in it ? You should have seen her face !" 

Mr. Armitage: "Keally? Say, we're not carrying this thing 
too far, are we?" 

Miss Whitney : "Not a bit of it ; don't be afraid of that. 
You mustn't begin to weaken now. Shall we go on with our 
story?" {Reads from ''One too Many'') : " ^I did not dream you 
had been engaged before,' murmured Florence, pensively. ^Has 
it been over long?" 

" 'Nine weeks,' returned Dick, half laughing, half grave. 



16 



" 'Why was it over — Richard ?' 

''Ah, such rare delight in hearing her pronounce his name 
with rising blushes! 

" 'I could hardly make you understand, Florence. It was 
the aggregate result of a thousand accumulated troubles. We 
were never intended for each other, — in fact, the thing was 
broken off because a happy fate had you in store for me, my 
beautiful darling!' " {During the reading Miss Conover enters, 
coughs and finally comes forward and sets the glass down with 
a hang). 

Miss W^hitney : '-O, here's our egg nogg. Thank you. Miss 
Conover, and now re-arrange the dresser and the medicines on 
the table." {To Mr. Armitage) : "Now, I'm going to let you 
drink this all yourself. Can you take it with your left hand? 
That's it — and I will go on with the reading." {Reads again) : 
" 'But what happened finally ?' Florence coaxed. Dick looked 
foolish. 'She was embroidering,' said he, a little embarrassed, 
'and asked my opinion about a leaf. I told her I hated those 
stiff pre-Raphaelite patterns, everything vertical and horizon- 
tal, without a natural feature to any flower. Then she quoted 
something at me out of a book, and I shrugged my shoulders — 
After that she decided we were better apart. Her aunt was go- 
ing to Europe the day following, and she joined the party.' 

" 'You could never have cared for each other,' said Florence, 
gazing at him with a beautiful, tender smile. I suppose you 
both had made a mistake. Fancy, now, our separating because 
you didn't like my embroidery.' " {Miss Whitney pauses). 

Mr. Armitage : "How beautifully you read. I never knew 
before how delightful it is to be read to and taken care of. And 
to think we have known one another only ten days." 

Miss Whitney : "True friendship is not measured by the 
flight of time. In our story, for instance, Florence and Rich- 
ard" 



Mr. Armitage : "A lucky chap, that, even if his name is the 
same as mine." 

Miss Whitney : "But do you really think a man could be 
off with the old love and on with a new one in such a short 
time?" 

Mr. Armitage : "That would depend on the man, and some- 
thing on circumstances. You see, Irene had been so unkind to 
him, no wonder the poor fellow found comfort in the sweetness 
of such a girl as Florence. And I fancy a man is all the more 
likely to fall desperately in love when recovering from a broken 
engagement." 

Miss Whitney : "His heart is sort of caught on the fly, do 
you mean?" 

17 



Mr. Armitage: "Exactly." {Hands her the glass and 
winces as he lifts his arm). 

Miss Whitney : "O, I'm afraid you've hurt your arm ! Did 
you hurt it badly? Let me readjust the sling. There — isn't 
that better?" 

Mr. Armitage : "Thank you, yes, it is much better. What 
deft fingers you have." 

Miss Whitney : "All a matter of practice. Miss Conover, 
please hand me my thermometer. It is on the dresser, don't 
you see it?" (Takes the thermometer) . 

Mr. Armitage : "O, it's all foolishness, taking my tempera- 
ture." 

Miss Whitney : "Indeed it is not. You have had fever nearly 
every day. You had a very serious fall." 

Mr. Armitage : "But like another distinguished personage, 
I'm not quite as black and blue as I am painted. Well, if we 

must" (Takes thermometer in his mouth. 3Iiss Whitney 

counts his pulse. A nurse enters with l)ox from greenhouse^) 
ivhich 3Iiss Conover takes). 

Miss Conover : "A box for your patient. Miss Whitney." 

Miss Whitney : "O, isn't this lovely ! Here's a surprise for 
you, Mr. Armitage." (Opens box). "O, what exquisitely lovely 
carnations! There isn't any card. I wonder who your atten- 
tive friend is !" (Miss Conover picks up the wrappings) . 

Mr. Armitage: "Ah — hm — that is — well, they are not for 
me. I — I got Miss Phipps to 'phone for them, that I might have 
the pleasure of presenting them myself to my devoted nurse." 

Miss Whitney: "Forme? Really? How lovely! And by 
what subtle telepathy did you find out that carnations are my 
favorite flowers? And these are so beautiful !" (Miss Conover 
drops and breaks a glass). "Miss Conover, if you want to be a 
nurse, you'll have to learn to be more quiet. Get a broom and 
dust pan, and sweep up those pieces." (Exit Miss Conover). 

Mr. Armitage: "I say. Miss Whitney, we don't want to 
overdo this thing. I hate to hurt her feelings. I feel like a 
cad" 

Miss Whitney (arranging carnations in a vase on the 
table) : "No danger of overdoing it. If you will only keep up 
your courage, you will feel like a happy lover soon." (Miss 
Conover enters as she speaks). 

Mr. Armitage: "Do you really mean it?" (Catching her 
hand, ivhich he drops at sight of Miss Conover). "O, hang it all, 
now I have done it. Won't you go on with the story. Miss 
Whitney?" (Miss Whitney turns pages, Miss Conover sweeps 
up pieces and goes out tvith head held high). 

Miss Whitney (laughing) : "That was the most telling 
stroke of all. It couldn't have been better, if we'd planned it." 

18 



(Enter Dr. Didd) . "Good morning, Doctor ; you see our patient 
is up, clothed and in his right mind." 

Mr. Armitage : "I'm not so sure of that." 

Dr. Didd : "I'm glad to see you so much better, Dick. You 
look quite like yourself. Will you ring for the chart, Miss 
Whitney?" (Enter Miss Gonover tvith the chart). "Ah, good 
morning, Miss Gonover; the chart; that was what I wanted. 
What beautiful carnations, Dick; I didn't know you had any 
devoted friends in Asheville." 

Mr. Armitage : "O, those carnations ; they're not mine ; they 
are Miss Whitney's. I ordered them." 

Dr. Didd : "The deuce you did !" 

Mr. Armitage (aside) : "Why, we have to keep up the game 
you know, John." 

Dr. Didd : "O yes of course, but you might have a little con- 
sideration for the fellow that isn't playing." 

Miss Whitney : "And I am going to insist that the donor 
wears one of these beautiful flowers." (Arranges flotver on his 
dressing jacket). 

Dr. Didd (aside) : "They're certainly having a mighty good 
time. It doesn't seem to me it's necessary to be so tremendously 
realistic! Upon my word, I sympathize with that little girl. 
(To Miss Gonover) : "You look tired this morning, Miss Gon- 
over, I hope your duties are not too heavy. We'll have to put 
you on a case. Just see how blooming Miss Whitney looks." 

Miss Gonover: "She does indeed. And, thank you, Dr. 
Didd, I am perfectly well." (With unnecessarg force) : "I 
never felt better in my life !" 

Dr. Didd: O, I am pleased to hear it, I am sure." (Enter 
Miss Phipps). "Good morning, Miss Phipps, our patient seems 
to be coming on nicely. We'll just have a look at the arm now." 

Miss Phipps : "I am glad to see you improving so rapidly, 
Mr. Armitage. That was a terrible fall." 

Mr. Armitage : "My convalescence is all due to the excel- 
lent nursing. I couldn't be so ungrateful as not to get well fast 
with such care." 

Miss Phipps: "Yes, Miss Whitney is a competent nurse. 
I'm sorry to tell you that today she has the afternoon off duty. 
Miss Gonover, you will take Miss Whitney's place here, after 
dinner." 

Miss Gonover: "Very well. Miss Phipps. May I .^o now?" 

Dr. Didd : "Not jnst jet, please. I want you to help me here 
a moment. Miss Whitney is sufficientlv expert. Replace the 
bandage. No, do it this way. How your finjjers shake. You 
must learn to control that nervousness. Miss Gonover." 

Miss Gonover: "I am not in the least nervous, Dr. Didd." 

Dr. Didd : "O, by the way, Dick, you remember my pretty 

19 



little stenographer? She has deserted me. She has always 
wanted to, be a trained nurse, and at last her father has con- 
sented. She came over here to the hosptal, dav before Aester- 
day." 

Mr. Armitage : ''Curious, this outbreak of nursitis. I can't 
see what the girls find so attractive." 

Miss Whitney : ^'The patients, of course !" 

Miss Phipps: "I will see you again Doctor, in the men's 
ward. Your typhoid patient has had a return of delirium, and 
is almost unmanageable. We've had to tie him down." (Exit). 

Dr. Didd (to Miss Conover) : ''You've done that very well 
for a beginner, Miss Conover. Is it comfortable, Dick ?" 

Mr. Armitage (with a wink) : ''No, it isn't comfortable; it's 
too tight. I'm afraid it will stop the circulation." 

Dr. Didd : "Undo it and bandage it more loosely. Miss Con- 
over. Miss Whitney, I wish to speak with you in regard to the 
chart." (They cross the room). 

Mr. Armitage : "Miss Conover — Esther — I can't stand this 
any longer." 

Miss Conover: 
Miss Whitney"- 



I am sorry if it is still too tight — perhaps 



Mr. Armitage : "It isn't the bandage, that's beautifully 
done, Esther. It isn't my arm at all ; it's my heart" 



Miss Conover : "O, in that case I will speak to the doctor. 
Perhaps you need some strychnia." 

Mr. Armitage : "Esther, how can you be so cruel? Y^ou are 
so cold to me !" [Carnation falls , she picks it up and offers it to 
him). "I don't want the flower; keep it, won't you, dear?" 

Miss Whitney (to Dr. Didd) : "O, what a break! Was 
there ever anything so stupid as a man !" 

Miss Conover: "No, thank you, Mr. Armitage. Y^ou seem 
to have a fancy for giving things twice." (Puts ftoiver doicn). 
"Doubtless Miss Whitnev will put it back for vou ; she is very 
kind." 

Mr. Armitage : "That she is ; a. sweeter, kinder-hearted girl 
I never knew. I would be ungrateful, indeed, not to appreciate 
her care" 

Miss Conover: "Y^our appreciation is sufficiently evident. 
If you will excuse me, I have my other patients." (Exit. Mr. 
Armitage broods). 

Dr. Didd: "I'm afraid, Miss Whitney, we've made a mis- 
take ; the 'little rift' seems to be widening." 

Miss Whitney : "We haven't made a mistake ; not a bit of 
it. Y^'ou men are so dense. Just give me another chance." 

Dr. Didd : "It seems to me you take too many chances. I 
feel like giving Dick a left-hander, when you look at him so 
sweetly. I probably would if the poor fellow was in fighting 



20 



trim. Don't you think it is time you were just a little bit good 
to me ? I have to go out to the Asheville School this afternoon ; 
you are off duty, will you go with me in the auto? Let's leave 
these ridiculous people to work things out for themselves." 

Miss Whitney : ''I couldn't say no to an auto ride on such 
a glorious day as this. Yes, I'll go." 

Dr. Didd: ''Good." {To Mr. Armitage) : ''See here, old 
man, cheer up. Don't let 'melancholy like a worm i' the bud 
feed on your damaged cheek.' It's bad enough to have a dam- 
aged arm and leg. But talking about cheek, I had a superb 
illustration of colossal cheek in the oince this morning. I'll tell 
you about it, if you'll promise to laugh. I'd like to hear that 
long-forgotten sound." 

Mr. Armitage : "Well, give us the story, and I'll do mv 
best." 

Dr. Didd : "Well, some weeks ago a woman came to me to 
find out v/hat was the matter with her spine. She suffered with 
pain in her back, and thought she had a broken vertebra. There 
really wasn't anything of the kind, and I told her so, and that 
the pain was rheumatic. But she kept on coming, and every 
time insisted that there v/as some spinal trouble. At last she 
stopped coming, and then I heard that she was having special 
treatment for spinal disease; so I sent her my bill, as modest 
as I could make it. She came into the office this morning; of 
course I thought she'd come to pay the bill. But what in the 
world do you suppose she came for?" 

Miss Whitney : "To tell you the specialist confirmed her 
diagnosis of the case." 

Dr. Didd : "No, indeed ; it w^as worse than that. She asked 
me to loan her |50 to pay the other doctor !" 

Mr. Armitage : "By George, that's about the limit. She got 
the money, too, didn't she?" 

Dr. Didd : "I didn't say so. Goodby, Dick, till tomorrow. 
x4.t three this afternoon. Miss Whitney." (Enter Miss Conover 
tvith howl on tray) . 

Miss Whitney : "I'll be ready at three. And in good time 
here comes my patient's dinner. Miss Conover, you will find 
special directions for this afternoon on the chart; it's on the 
mantel. Now, Mr. Armitage, let me feed you your broth. Shall 
I break the crackers in it ?" 

Mr. Armitage: "Thanks, I don't want any crackers." 
(Takes a few spoonfuls) . "Look here, I'm getting tired of be- 
ing a blooming babv; g-ive me the bowl, please." (Drinks it). 
"There ; that's done with." 

Miss Whitney (latif/hing) : "You burned your mouth 
dreadfullv, I know you did. Have you had your dinner. Miss 
Conover?" 



Miss Conover : ''Yes, I've had mj dinner, Miss Whitney. I 
am on duty here now; you may go." 

Miss Whitney : '"My patient always takes a nap at this 
time. If you will just see that he is comfortable, I will go to 
dinner. Goodby, Mr. Armitage, until six o'clock — if I can stay 
away that long." 

Mr. Armitage: ''Goodby, I hope you have a pleasant after- 
noon." (Exit Miss Whitney). 

Miss Conover : "Would you like to be wheeled over to the 
couch for your nap, Mr. Armitage?" 

Mr. Armitage : "Thank you, no. It is so long since I have 
been allowed to sit up, I am going to stay in the chair." 

Miss Conover : "Then, if you are comfortable and there is 
nothing I can do for you, I will go on with my sewing while 
you sleep." 

Mr. Armitage: "But I'm not comfortable; this beastly pil- 
low is so small and hard" {throtos it across the room). 

"Isn't there a softer one on the couch?" 

Miss Conover: "Why 'Rich — Mr. Armitage, you musn't 
throw things around like that; you'll hurt your arm!" {Ad- 
justs another pilloiv and sits down in chair across the room). 

Mr. Armitage: "Well, I don't care if I do. Don't go away 
off over there, Esther." 

Miss Conover : "I forbid you to speak to me by that name, 
Mr. Armitage." 

Mr. Armitage : "Why, you came mighty near calling me 
Richard, just now, you know you did." 

Miss Conover: "If I did, it was a mere impulse, an acci- 
dent." 

Mr. Armitage : "Well, so was this. Won't you please come 
over here. Miss Conover? I want to talk to you, and I'm not 
sportsman enough to hit the mark at such long range." 

Miss Conover : "I cannot allow you to talk to me, except in 
my — my professional capacity, and ibesides it is time for you to 
go to sleep." {Goes on with sewing). 

Mr. Armitage: "How can a fellow sleep, with such a tan- 
talizing view of the back of the most bewitching little head in 
the world ! Turn around, w^on't you please, that I mav see your 
face?" 

Miss Conover : "After what I just said, I am, of course, to 
suppose that you are addressing me as your nurse. I wonder 
that Miss Whitney" 

Mr. Armitage : "Why do you keep bringing up Miss W^hit- 
ney? She hasn't anything in the world to do with it. Esther — 
I beg pardon. Miss Conover — aren't you almost ready to give up 
this ridiculous project?" 

Miss Conover : "If by 'ridiculous project' you mean trained 

22 



nursing, my resolution to follow that avocation is more firmly 
fixed than ever. I shall never give it up." 

Me. Armitage: "Well, I hardly expected a different an- 
swer. In our long, and — pardon me — somewhat intimate ac- 
quaintance, if there was anything I admired in your character, 
Esther, it was your firmness. Having once reached a perfectly 
logical conclusion by a clear course of reasoning^ you always 
adhered to your decision. Of course, in our little quarrels 
when you said you would never speak to me again as long as 
you lived, you did take it back ; but that was because you could 
prove that it was all my fault. Esther, I was once as dear to 
you as trained nursing. Can't you further exercise that admir- 
able unchangeableness of yours, and refuse to give me up, too ?" 

Miss Conover: ''I haven't got you to give up. And now, 
Mr. Armitage, I must insist, as your nurse, that you rest in si- 
lence if you won't sleep." 

Mr. Armitage : "All right, I will. But won't you first an- 
swer me just one question?" 

Miss Conover : "In my professional capacity — yes." 

Mr. Armitage : "We might strain a point, and call it pro- 
fessional — since if you had never thrown me over, I would not 
now be in the hospital and under your care" 

Miss Conover: "That is too much. You may think me a 
weak and credulous woman" 

Mr. Armitage: "I think you're just the dearest and the 
sweetest little girl in the universe ! O, I could tell you a great 
deal more that I think !" 

Miss Conover : "It is not necessary ! And you can't expect 
me to believe, Mr. Armitage, what you just said about being 
here in the hospital. No amount of mental disquiet, caused by 
— by a severed relationship, could break a bone or strain a liga- 
ment." 

Mr. Armitage: "Now that is just where you are tremen- 
dously mistaken, my learned little nurse. It was mental and 
emotional disquiet. Do you know that when I learned that you 
were at Mission Hospital, and that hard-hearted doctor that 
poses as a friend of mine, wouldn't inocculate me with appendi- 
citis or typhoid fever or any other old thing, I jumped out of 
his office window to break a bone or two and get in here" 

Miss Conover : "Jumped out the window ! To break your 
bones ! That / might nurse you? O, Rich — Mr. Armitage, was 
that your plan?" 

Mr. Armitage (aside) : "Can a fellow tell a lie in a case like 
this, or must it be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but 
the truth?" (To Miss Conover) : "Well— that wasn't it ex- 
actly. Of course, I knew you were a probationer, and — and not 
likely to be given special duty, but — but I hoped to see you — 
and talk with you." 

23 



Miss Conover : ''O, I imderstand ! And you have been here 
ten days, and this is the first time you have found an oppor- 
tunity to speak with me! Such devotion is touching." 

Mr. Armitage : ^'Esther, you are so unreasonable. How" 

Miss Conover: "Then why try to reason with me? Vv^ill 
you ask your question or oblige me by going to sleep?" 

Mr. Armitage : "I'm not sleepy. As a nurse you are not 
especially soothing. There are some of the tricks of your trade 
you haven't learned yet. Miss Whitney rubs my head — or fans 
me — or reads poetry." 

Miss Conover: "Unfortunately, I am not Miss Whitney, 
though I recognize her superior attractions ; but I can give you 
a sleeping potion." 

Mr. Armitage: "You can try to, but I'll not take it. I can 
keep my mouth shut!" 

Miss Conover: "You haven't been able to so far. Now 
please put an end to all this futile talk. Things can never, 
never be as they once were." {Sighs deeply). "Ask your ques- 
tion and have it over with." 

Mr. Armitage : "Well then I will. Can you assure me that 
you have no regrets, that you are perfectlj^ happy in your chosen 
calling? Can you? Honest now." 

Miss Conover: "At first, I confess that I was very lonely 
and sad. I had misgivings. If you had appealed to me then — 
But during the last week or so I have been thoroughly con- 
vinced that I acted for the best. I am glad that I broke the en- 
gagement. I am glad that I came to the hospital ! I — I — I am 
perfectly happy!" {Her voice 'breaks, she sobs in her handker- 
chief). 

Mr. Armitage : "l^our happiness is very evident. But, Es- 
ther, don't you think you might sacrifice a little of your joy for 
my peace of mind ? If you persist in this folly, there is no know- 
ing what I may be driven to !" 

Miss Conover : "Of course I do not know, but as I have eyes 
I may at least guess! And now that I have answered your 
question, if you icill talk, kindly drop the personal element from 
the conversation. It is a shock and a grief to me to think that 
you are here because of my letter." 

Mr. Armitage {aside) : "She can't drop the personal ele- 
ment any more than I can." {To Miss Conover) : "l^es, because 
of that letter, Esther. A cheerful little valentine, wasn't it, to 
send me? How could you do it?" 

Miss Conover : "As I was saying, it is a shock to think that 
you risked your life to be near me. If — if only" — {Stops and 
shakes her head). 

Mr. Armitage : "If what, Esther? Do go on !" 



24 



Miss Conover : ^^No, I shall not, must not say another word 
that might not be spoken by Miss Phipps herself." 

Mr. Armitage : "All right. Let's talk about trained nurs- 
ing. I suppose that is permitted ! Do you realize that the aver- 
age life of a trained nurse is only seven years? Do you know 
that you are exposing yourself to infection from a thousand 
horribly different but equally dangerous germs? That your 
pretty face may be spoiled by small pox, Esther, or — or — or 
measles ? That you might be strangled to death, in the dead of 
the night, by some man in a raging delirium? O, I can't bear 
to think of it. It is horrible !" 

Miss Conover: "I am not in the least afraid of infection, 
Mr. Armitage ; nor have I any fear of delirious and unmanage- 
able patients. Courage and bravery are essentials for a trained 
nurse." 

Mr. Armitage {angrily) : "O, I give it up. I may as well go 
to sleep." (Shuts his eyes and composes himself to sleep. Miss 
Conover goes on with her sewing, turning a little in her chair 
and looking at him. A noise is heard unthout, as it increases 
and voices are heard calling loudly, she moves her chair a little 
nearer his). 

Miss Conover (timidly) : "Mr. Armitage, Mr. Armitage — 
did you speak, Mr. Armitage?" (Miss Seymour rushes in, 
greatly frightened). 

Miss Seymour: "O, Miss Conover, Miss Conover, that 
dreadful typhoid patient has gotten out of the ward. He'>s 
smashed everything in the diet kitchen ! He tore Miss Blake's 
apron off and sprained Miss Harrison's arm ! He is raging all 
over this floor. The nurses can do nothing with him. He 
brushes them off as if — as if they were mosquitoes! O, I'm so 
frightened ! Miss Phipps says to lock your door, and I'm to go 
and find the orderly, we don't know where he's gone." 

Miss Conover: "O dear, O dear! There isn't any key in 
this door!" (Looks for it ivildly). "Can't you 'phone for the 
fire department or something?" 

Miss Seymour: "The fire department? What for — to put 
him out? They have 'phoned for a policeman ; there'll be some- 
body here soon. I miist see if I can find the orderly!" (Exit: 
noises and calls increase; Miss Conover pushes taMe and chairs 
against the door. As the door is pushed from tvithout, she tries 
to hold it). 

Miss Conover: "O dear! O dear! Mr. Armitage, Richard, 
Dick ! Do wake up !" (Enter patient) . 

Patient : "O, there you are ! I'll catch you yet. You can't 
fool me ; I know von by that cap and apron. You'd tie me in 
bed, would you?" (Chases Miss Conover ahout the room). 

Miss Conover : "O dear ! O dear ! Richard ! Dick !" 



25 



Mr. Armitage (springing to his feet) : "Great Caesar! 
What's all this !" (Catches patient hy the collar, trips him, and 
as he scrambles to his feet pushes him doivn in the chair. Miss 
Conover falls upon the couch). 

Mr. Armitage: "There's nothing to be afraid of now, 
Esther. I've got him all right." (Enter Miss Seymour and the 
orderly). "Here orderly, take this crazy customer out of here. 
Put him in the strong room, if you've got one ; if you haven't, 
build one! Such a creature as that running amuck among a 
lot of sick folks and women ! It's outrageous ! You may be 
thankful there's no one hurt." 

Orderly : "Come along. Get up and come along, I say !" 

Patient: "All right, I'm a-coming. But don't let that cy- 
clone hit me again! O law, law!" (Exeunt). 

Mr. Armitage : "He didn't hurt you, did he, Esther?" 

Miss Conover : "O, no, no, but it was so terrible ! He looked 
so awful, and I was sure he would catch me. And O, I'm afraid 
you are hurt." 

Mr. Armitage: "O, no, I'm not; but I feel a little shaky. 
Would you mind getting me a glass of water ?" 

Miss Conover: "O, I know you are hurt." (Brings the 
water). 

Mr. Armitage: "My, how the poor little hands tremble! 
Did the awful creature frighten vou so badlv? What is it, 
Esther?" 

Miss Conover: "O, Dick, Dick, it isn't that. But I don't 
want to be a trained nurse ! I hate it ! I'm so unhappy !" 

Mr. Armitage : "Well, there don't cry, Esther. You're not 
going to be a trained nurse if I can help it ! Can't we go back 
about nine weeks and begin where we left off? Don't you love 
me just a little bit yet, Esther?" 

Miss Conover: "Every night since I wrote you that cruel 
letter, every night since I decided that trained nursing was my 
vocation, I have prayed that I might not love you" 

Mr. Armitage : "Dear little girl. (Puts his arm around 
her). 

Miss Conover: "But my prayers were not answered." (En- 
ter Dr. Didd and Miss Whitney; Mr. Armitage and Miss Con- 
over start apart). 

Miss Whitney : "You've been having quite an exciting time, 
haven't you? I hope it hasn't been too much for my patient." 

Dr. Didd : "It was an awful experience. Miss Conover ; you 
must have been dreadfully frightened." 

Miss Conover : "O, no, I wasn't frightened." (Aside to Mr. 
Armitage) : "What do you suppose they think?" 

Mr. Armitage: "They did think you were frightened, but 
vou said you weren't. What do we care anyhow ! What do we 



26 



care for all the world! John, old man, congratulate me! I 
have engaged a permanent nurse. She will enter on her new 
duties the last of April." 

Miss Conover : "Why, Richard Armitage, I never said so." 
Mr. Armitage: "I think it is time I was doing some of the 
saying." 

Dr. Didd : "I'm mighty glad, Dick, and so is Miss Whitney, 
I know. We feel as if we'd made this match, or at least made 
it over!" {Looks at Miss Whitney). 

Miss Whitney : "Are you going to tell them?" 
Dr. Didd : "To tell them? Of course I am. I shall tell the 
very tree tops! Dick, here's another match — congratulate us, 
too! Winifred hasn't named the day, but she has promised to 
be a doctor's wife instead of a trained nurse." {As they shake 
hands Dr. Tingle and Miss Seymour enter). 

Dr. Tingle: "Dr. Didd, I want to ask you — that is, we just 
came in to say — or to — to ask, if you can let me take my vaca- 
tion in May? You see I want to go on a little trip with — with 
Miss Seymour." {All laugh). 

Mr. Armitage : "A whole box of matches !" 
Dr. Didd : "Certainly, certainly, that's all right, Dr. Tingle. 
We're all in the same boat ! April — May — Winifred, how about 
June?" {All advance to the front and the girls sing). 

When we set our caps for you, sirs, 

You had only half a chance. 
To our apron strings we've tied you, 

And we'll lead you such a dance ! 
You are young and tall and handsome, 

So for better or for worse. 
You're selected and accepted. 

By your nurse — nurse — nurse! 

CURTAIN. 



27 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 







